1) Lube up you rectum. Make you don't miss any crevices.

2) Get royally fucked in the ass by luck. Lose every attack where you have a one dice advantage.

3) Lose a lot of points.

4) Go to a 500 table and use chat as a way to vent frustrations. Be as verbally abusive as possible to no one in particular, unless it's Ryan, inventor of this game.

5) Write an idiotic post in the Forum.

Now that you know how to play a 5k, try it out. It's tons of fun!