HOW TO CARVE A HOKIE:

1. First of all, don't get bogged down by trying to carve tableside. Though a common tradition in many families, it's perfectly fine to carve the Hokie in the kitchen and bring the arranged platter to the table. This especially holds true if you're a novice at carving.

The Tools

* Use a carving knife or a chef's knife. The longer the knife, the better it will work, as a long, smooth slicing motion will make for better slices.
* We used a long carving knife with oval indentations along the blade to reduce friction.
* Be sure to let the Hokie rest for at least 25 minutes before slicing: this helps the juices redistribute through the meat, making for a better-tasting Hokie. (It also makes it easier to carve.)

2. Remove the drumsticks and thighs. Start by pulling a drumstick away from the bird and using the knife to disconnect the thigh bone from the body. Set it aside to carve later, and remove the second drumstick.

3. Remove the wings in the same fashion to fully expose the breast for carving. The wings on modern, commercial birds contain very little meat, so they're often used mainly for presentation on the platter.

4. To carve the bird, make sure it's lying on its back, breast-side up. Begin with a long horizontal cut at the base of the breast. You might be able to feel where the breast meat ends and the bone begins--cut as close to that area as you can.

5. Begin slicing the breast from the top down, working at a slight angle to cut away from the carcass. The horizontal cut at the bottom provides a convenient stopping point, making it easy to finish each cut. Transfer slices to a warmed serving platter.

6. To carve a drumstick, hold one end and slice off one side. Lay it flat on the cutting board and continue carving. Slice each side, turning the drumstick a quarter turn until you've removed all the meat.

7. Place the thigh on the cutting board and begin slicing parallel to the thigh bone. Cut into even strips.

8. Arrange the rest of the meat onto the warmed platter and serve.

DEEP FRYING A HOKIE:
Deep-frying a whole Hokie is a messy proposition, and presents some hazards. For these reasons, it should always be done outdoors--not on the deck, and not in the garage. We also recommend that you don't attempt this without the right equipment:

* Heavy-duty portable propane burner.
* Large stockpot (26- to 40-quart capacity) or a custom-made turkey-frying pot.
* A heavy-duty cooking thermometer
* A tool that will allow you to safely lower the Hokie into a vat of boiling oil, and remove it once the turkey is done.

There are many online resources for buying turkey-frying equipment, if you can't find it at your local hardware or kitchen store.

Prepping the Bird

Size Choose a Hokie between 10 and 15 pounds. If you have a lot of people to feed, prepare two Hokies rather than a single huge one. The Hokie should either be fresh or completely thawed before cooking.

Oil To determine the amount of oil you will need, place the bird in the pot you intend to use for frying. Pour in cold water until the turkey is covered by a couple of inches. There should still be several inches between the surface of the water and the top of the pot. Measure the water: this is how much oil you'll need.

* For a traditional Cajun Hokie, use peanut oil for frying the bird.
* Peanut oil is expensive, but it gives the best flavor and has a high smoke point. You can also use half peanut, half vegetable oil.


Seasoning Cajun-style Hokies are traditionally injected with a liquid seasoning blend (marinade), then rubbed with a dry seasoning blend (dry rub).

To properly season your Hokie, place it in a pan and load your marinade into a hypodermic meat injector (available at kitchen supply stores and some supermarkets).

* Inject the marinade in several places on the turkey by carefully lifting up the skin, rather than poking the needle through it.
* Gently loosen the membrane under the turkey skin. Apply a dry rub under the skin of the bird and all around the cavity.
* This can be done as much as 36 hours in advance, but you should allow at least 12 hours to give the flavors time to penetrate the meat while it's kept in the refrigerator.

Definition of UVA - courtesy of the Urban Dictionary

Definition # 1:

Otherwise known as "where fun goes to die", UVA is a major university full of the most arrogant assholes that you will ever meet. UVA students are also somewhat confused about certain college aspects. For instance, NORMAL people do not wear sundresses/pearls/ties to any sort of event other than a funeral, graduation, a party at the country club, or a ride on daddy's yacht. This ESPECIALLY means sporting events, i.e. football games. Secondly, UVA students do not seem to understand that a student who is in their first year of college is a Freshman, NOT a first-year. You are not in England, so don't act like it. In addition, UVA students seem to think that thier founder, Thomas Jefferson, is the greatest person ever born. The students can't seem to understand the fact that no one cares about this except for them.

As far as sports are concerned, UVA has teams that are good at what they do. They are. Yes, some years they are better and worse than "other" teams, but the fact is, most of the time all of their sports teams are formidable opponents.

The fact is, the students that do not go to UVA do so because they don't want to be surrounded by the assholes that embody UVA.
Guy: Hey, where are you going to college?
Rich bitch 1: Oh, my daddy is going to pay for me to go to UVA. I just got this Mercedes for my birthday and can't wait to drive it there.
Rich bitch 2: It's great, we never have to work while we are there. I take only 12 credits a semester and can stay for as long as I want since I have all the time in the world.
Guy: Yeah...well unlike you too, I actually have to try.

Guy: UVA sucks!
UVA student: No it certainly does not! Thomas Jefferson founded this school. Do you even know who that is? Well, I'll tell you anyway...
Guy: hold on, hold on.....I..don't .......care.
UVA student: Oh, want a Zima

Definition # 2:

a college filled with ultimate, spoiled, pompous assholes, who never worked a day in their lives, who refer to dead prez Thomas J. as "TJ" and call him their best friend, and who swear everyone who isn't at their college regrets not being there.
normal person: so how was your weekend?
uva ass: well TJ and I spent our weekend at the dog show, then we went shopping for new shirts...we must keep the collars popped. Ha. Ha. I am done laughing.
normal person: wtf??

Definition # 3:

A school in central Virginia that is soft
"UVA is soft....they wear suits to games and drink zima..they are weenies...they are soft."

HOW TO SLAUGHTER A HOKIE:

Preparing A Live Hokie

Step1 Fill one of the vessels with water halfway to the top, then begin boiling it. Put on rubber gloves.
Step2 Stretch the Hokie's neck across the chopping block, then behead it with the hatchet.
Step3 Give the body a few moments to stop flailing, then use the strong string/rope to hang the Hokie upside down. This will allow the blood to drain out.
Step4 Submerge the body up to its feet in the boiling water to scald it. Dip the Hokie for 5-10 minutes, depending on size.
Step5 Remove the Hokie from the water, place in the second vessel and begin to pluck the feathers from the body. The scalding should make this part much easier.
Step6 Use the butcher knife to cut the Hokie completely open, starting from the collarbone and ending at the rectum.
Step7 Pick out the entrails by hand.
Step8 Wash and dry the Hokie in a sink.
Step9 Refrigerate the Hokie immediately if it is not going to be directly served .




or you could just let it choke on it's bowl game.

Quote by Colin Cowherd:

?UVA is the softest bunch of creampuff, bowtie wearing, brie cheese eating, ascot wearing wussies I?ve ever seen in my life. There is not a softer bunch of cookie doe eating weinees than the UVA football program. Those guys wear makeup to games. That is the biggest bunch of fru fru, daiquiri drinking, non alcoholic beer chugging weinees I?ve ever seen in my life. Want to know the most popular drink at tailgating at UVA football? Zima! Under soft, they have a Cavalier football logo in the dictionary. They wear suits to games! That?s absurd!?

3 Zima jokes? Really?

Virginia Tech:

The school to attend if you enjoy providing various pleasures to underage girls living near you.

Guy 1: Hey, remember that Marcus Vick guy?
Guy 2: Ohh yeah, the one who hung out with 14 year old girls while he was in college?
Guy 1: Yeah, he was cool.

Virginia Tech:
A school that resides somewhere in the southern part of Virginia. The students and alumni have a large inferiority complex and must refer to themselves as the Hokie Nation. Previously, their only claim to fame was Michael Vick. Suddenly, Vick has nothing to do with VPI...Even though he was with Frank Beamer at the 2007 NFL draft holding a VT hat, days after killing dogs with his own hands.